the beauty of birthdays
The past few years – and particularly the past few months – have been a roller coaster of success and failure, of good choices and bad decisions… of owning up to all of it while staving off depression and melancholy as best I can. As recently as last week I found myself entertaining the darkness of misery yet again, even as my mind was clear enough to recognize the dangers of allowing such depression to take root. None of this is new to me, and I seem to revisit it every year around this time, but knowing the pattern doesn’t help me prepare. It still surprises me. Which is why I’m so thankful for my birthday each year.
Today I am forty-four and have officially reached “middle age.” Most days I feel like I did at 26, the year of my spiritual about-face, and in my lowest moments I feel 16 again, when I could not see past the despair and angst that filled my spirit. But in the week surrounding my birthday I am happy and my heart is light. I am celebrating another year of experiences, and I’m looking forward to the time ahead in which I can strive to become my best self. God said His mercies are new every morning, and I’ve come to know that personally. I depend upon it! I’m so thankful for more opportunities to enrich this earthly experience and pass the tests of each new season.
I’ve heard people lament the passing of time and insist that they don’t need to celebrate their birthdays, but I’ve never understood that mentality. Birthdays are my fave. It’s the one day of the year that I’m allowed to celebrate myself! And I really do enjoy getting older. Even with all the joint aches and hormonal changes and (ugh) the onset of menopause, I am grateful for more time to become a better person and amend for past mistakes. My birthday is a beautiful reminder of the life that is still in front of me, just waiting to be explored. This day is my New Year’s celebration, and I want to make the best of it.
H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y T O M E
with love to everyone who fills my world with joy and speaks Truth into my life