retro photo month :: day twenty-three


senior year, high schoolBy the time I reached my senior year in high school, the identity crisis was in full effect. I was still trying to please my parents, which meant going to church and dressing like a sweet little girl — note the battenburg lace collar over Princess waist dress — but my inner self was full-on Bohemian, even if I didn’t know how to portray that on the outside. This was 1986, just before my eighteenth birthday, and I was doing everything I could to be insignificant, to fade into the background. A year later I would begin stepping out of this self-imposed rigidity, but that meant I would also begin a downward spiral into depression and rage and anxiety and fear. Very soon I would begin disappointing everyone in my life, including my own self. But at this moment I was too worried about standing out, about being singled out, so I stay very buttoned up in hopes that I could fade into the background. What I learned after high school is that I actually came across as arrogant and superior to others. And that was the very opposite of how I actually felt. If only I had known how to portray my inner self externally without feeling like I was shining a spotlight. I wonder if I would’ve found happiness?

this month’s photos

sophomore year, high school sophomore year, high school grade 8 middle school drill team
circa 1980 grade 6 grade 5 scouts
bluebird sisters granddaughters and the matriarch three 70s sisters
sisters in plaid sisters, circa 1972 circa 1971 me, circa 1971 circa 1970
me and my sisters back at the Texas State Capitol Senate Chamber, Texas State Capitol at the Texas State Capitol summer photo day one

Retro Photo Month was inspired by Elizabeth Dillow. Be sure to check out her own collection at {a swoop and a dart}.


About Jules Q

sharing stories of life, faith, and love for pop culture

Posted on 23 July 2010, in Stories I Tell and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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