and suddenly it’s October…

In the latest newsletter from Michael at Box of Crayons it was mentioned that we have entered the final quarter of 2012. All of a sudden, this year is ending! I’m always amazed how quickly some seasons pass and how slowly the others – I’m looking at you, stinky-sweaty Texas summers! – but it seems the quickest of them all is autumn. Wasn’t it just yesterday that we said hello to September? The temperatures just begin to cool and then, bam!, we’re singing Christmas carols and Auld Lang Syne. I love the holiday season more than any other, but it goes by far too quickly.

Nine months have already passed in 2012. Michael put it this way: “Enough time to have a child.” Plenty of time to have accomplished a great many things. So he posed the following questions as a way to evaluate the year so far and to make a plan for the final quarter. As usual, I am woefully behind on everything I hoped to accomplish. But I’m grateful for a renewed sense of motivation and, hopefully, time to COMPLETE some things before we usher in the new year.

What’s one project you’ve made progress on so far this year?
The number one project for this year was meant to be a photo book chronicling my niece’s senior year. She graduated high school in the first days of June, and still I’m working on the book! What was meant to be a one-month project has become a never-ending bogland. The problem is certainly that I’m making it far too complicated, but that’s really no excuse. I have made good progress on it… absolutely… but there’s still much to be accomplished. And I really don’t want to drag it out any longer. Kiwi has already put her high school days behind her, so I’d really like to get this book completed and in her hands before it becomes even more irrelevant. That said, I have accomplished much, and I have a renewed plan to complete it. Thanks to last week’s CreativeLIVE / Khara Plicanic seminar on InDesign, I foresee a much greater speed in making this happen.

What’s surprised you most about the year so far?
Number one has to be my continued unemployment status. Two years and running. God has been so gracious and faithful to provide for every need, in one way or another, and I do have a part-time website gig that helps me (almost) make the rent each month, but full-time employment eludes me. And yet, in the midst of these long months I’ve never lost hope or fallen into despair. Moments of depression are inevitable, and the summer months nearly always kick me around, but I know that God has a plan and a purpose for the time still ahead of me. My challenge remains the same: to make the best of these leisurely days while I have them. I’ve failed miserably again and again, but (as I always say) I’m thankful that each day brings new mercies.

If there was one thing to focus on getting done before the end of the year, what would it be?
Aside from Kiwi’s book – which I refuse to let drag out until year’s end – I desperately want to jump into Project Life with both feet. I received all of the supplies before last Christmas but I never actually got started. I’m never good at working on multiple (personal) projects at once, preferring to put all focus and energy into one thing until its completion, so actual scrapbooking has always been shoved to the side. It’s the “some day” project that never seems to come about. Before 2012 fades away, I want to make Project Life a priority and get into a rhythm that can continue into the new year. That’s a habit that shouldn’t be too difficult to create, should it?

Who will you spend more time and attention on in the coming months? Which relationship will you give renewed attention to?
I need to return to a community of faith. This year I’ve been indifferent about attending church services, and though my reasons and feelings were valid, I know it’s time to return. It’s no longer about my heart but more about discipline and making Sunday mornings a priority. I’m not sure what worship will look like for me (new community? different venue? new church altogether?), but I really do want to return to a community of believers. The Word of God commands it, and I want to be faithful and obedient.

Where’s the edge for you? What are you learning?
I’ve long known that fear plays too large a role in my life, and I’m finally learning to take back control. Max Lucado stated, “Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will.” I’m learning to feed my faith again. And I’m truly at my wit’s end, “at the edge”, with bowing to ridiculous fears that threaten to paralyze me. The process is slow – I’ve lived with some level of anxiety for most of my 43 years – but I’m trudging forward. Every few years I manage to knock down a few more blocks from the invisible wall that holds me back. By the close of 2012, I’m hoping for a pile of rubble at my feet.

So there are the plans and the goals and the hopes and dreams. Now, what do you see for yourself as you stare down the end of this year? Leave a comment here on phrenetical or share a link to your own blog post answering these questions. I’d love to encourage you in the months ahead!

one little word for 2012

Of course, another month has passed without fulfilling any of my blog promises plans mentioned on January 1st. And that wouldn’t be so discouraging did it not directly contradict my commitment to this year’s One Little Word. But here I am, beginning again, because that’s what I must do. Always moving forward, never dwelling on past mistakes. If I did that, you’d never hear from me again.

But I digress…

I’ve chosen COMPLETE as my One Word for 2012. It wasn’t my first choice, but it seems to be the best choice. Back in November I decided I would commit to “Action” in the new year because I felt that so many of my goals and plans in recent years still sit untouched with only passing thoughts to make any kind of progress on them. As I ruminated on Action throughout the holidays it really did seem appropriate… until I realized that I had actually taken quite a bit of action in 2011. But I never finished anything. I committed to HEALTHY in 2011 and (despite making some progress) I fell far short of my intended goals. I began a summer scrapbook that now has exactly the same amount of pages completed as it did in June of that same year. I have a 2009 (yes, oh-nine) photo book in progress that is only four pages from completion but did not get touched in all of the previous two years. And the list goes on. Project after project, plan after plan get set aside in favor of something new. If they even get started at all! Committing to Action wasn’t going to get me much further than I am at present.

COMPLETE is a better goal. COMPLETE will cross items off the lengthy to-do list. It will take ideas from my inspiration boards and make them reality. And it will free up room for new projects that flutter in the corners of my mind. Twenty-twelve should be a year of action, yes, but also a year of finishing. I want to move beyond this reputation of procrastination into the role of creator. And perhaps even artist, with works to display. I also want the spirit of COMPLETE to ripple out into my daily life too, where I stop leaving things unfinished simply because I don’t want to deal with them (like the pile of dishes I ignore in the sink and the dusty flat that never gets cleaned). By the end of 2012 I want to look back and see that my life was filled with finished projects and crossed off lists. And it’s a habit I want to develop for good.

I first saw the idea of One Little Word on the blog of Ali Edwards then joined a second group last year via Grit and Glory. This year Alece, of “Grit and Glory”, has created a site devoted solely to One Word. Check it out and join us at OneWord365.com.

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image credits: font is American Typewriter; orange brad is from Music 2 via www.300dpi.com

untold stories of 2011 :: One Little Word (a recap)

 
My One Little Word for 2011 was…

You’ll see from the lack of entries on my pilgrimage blog that I totally failed in documenting that goal. For over half the year I also believed I had failed in achieving that goal. And then something interesting occurred: I put some thought to the happenings of the past 12 months – to the daily moments, the small celebrations, the big epiphanies – and I realized that 2011 had not been a year of failure after all. In fact, even today there are visual reminders of success. I almost missed it because it didn’t look anything like I expected it would look.

When I chose the word HEALTHY in January, I hoped that twelve months would bring a significant weight loss, a habit of fresh foods, a joy of home cooking, and a pattern of regular sleep. I expected to feel more energy, less sickly all the time. I expected to need an entirely new wardrobe. None of those things occurred. Hence, my assumption that 2011 was a failure in the area of goals. I also wanted to embrace creativity in a larger way, to focus on personal art projects that brought a renewed health to my mind and my spirit. Again, I determined that this goal ended in failure because much of my year was spent in front of a laptop with the television droning in the background. Sometimes 24/7. Definitely not healthy. No matter what I may have been “watching.” With those things in mind, I declared 2011 a resolution FAIL. And vowed to make 2012 “the year.” But then I came to a realization…

It all began with a pair of jeans. Jeans that, last year, did not fit comfortably during the first hour of wear because they were simply too snug in the waist when freshly laundered. This year, when the weather finally turned almost cool, I pulled on those jeans and found room to spare. At first I believed they must had been worn and placed back in the closet unwashed. I rarely do that, but perhaps this one time? I wore the jeans all day and found them to be far too loose for my taste. Baggy in weird places. Still I didn’t think much of it… until I wore a different pair a week or so later. And those were just as loose on first wear. Freshly laundered but looser than ever. Suddenly I realized! I had kept off enough weight to make my clothes fit loosely! And my thoughts turned to the summer and another moment of success.

While visiting my parents in July I stepped onto the scale after a shower one day and saw that I weighed 30 pounds less than the last time I’d weighed, sometime during the past 6 months. Thirty pounds! And I’d not been on the Healthy wagon for four months by this time! But in those four months of neglect and passivity toward my yearly goal I had still managed to keep 30 pounds at bay. That was clearly a success! I held onto that Win throughout the remainder of the year, but until I encountered the results in my clothing I still did not treat it as a completion of my resolution. After all, I still wasn’t sleeping properly and I still didn’t see much difference in the mirror. I also wasn’t eating properly. No, not at all. The old habits were ever-present, with fast food my most frequent menu. Yet, in the midst of all those bad habits, I’d remained thirty pounds lighter than before. Thinking back on this while analyzing my looser jeans, I could not deny that I had made some headway on this goal of HEALTHY.

Nearing the holidays I mentioned all of this to my mother. I still couldn’t believe my clothes were telling a different story than my mind, but she agreed that I had made some progress this year. She hadn’t noticed the clothes – I’m a plus-size girl with a tendency for ill-fitting clothing, so that did not surprise – but she pointed out that I seemed to be healthier than I’d been in a very long time. There seemed to be fewer stomach issues (which I’d had for over a decade), and I’d been more joyful this year than other times. And despite my irregular sleeping patterns, I had, in fact, been able to go to sleep and sleep more restfully than the past few years. At least, she noted, I was able to get to sleep when I went to bed rather than lying awake for hours before drifting off. That itself counted for a lot on this road to Healthy. I had to agree.

In the end, I’m not where I imagined I’d be by December 31, 2011, but I’m further along than ever. And that encourages me and motivates me to continue on this path. While I have chosen a new word for 2012, I will continue to hold onto HEALTHY, as well. That period at the end of the word up there? That will remain in the front of my mind. I want Healthy to be a lifestyle. I want it to be a pattern and a habit of my days. I want the fast food to become a treat, and I want my kitchen to be a place of joy. As far as it will, of course, for a girl who truly despises the act of meal preparation. Simply put, I want to be HEALTHY… period. And this year was a decent start.

Watch for a new post this week about my chosen word for 2012. It’s my favorite word yet!

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One Little Word is a yearly challenge issued by Ali Edwards. I also (kind of) participated in the One Word community at Grit and Glory this year. Perhaps you’ll consider joining me in the new year!

January :: documenting One Little Word

The first of my monthly scrapbook pages documenting this year’s journey with One Little Word:
 

page design based on: Cathy Zielske’s template (eventually I’ll include self-portraits in these monthly pages, but I’m not quite ready to put those out there just yet) | title font: Skia | journaling font: Maiandra

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One Little Word is a yearly challenge issued by Ali Edwards. Visit her blog to participate with me..
 

HEALTHY | January’s mid-month check-in

Although I’m a bit past the mid-month mark, I wanted to take a minute to note my progress toward the first month of this year’s goal. Most of my previous attempts to diet, to lose weight, to break bad habits have devolved into failure or boredom within the first few months of the process, but already I can see a difference in my approach. I do hope that means I’m embarking on a new and permanent journey of change. Toward that end, I spent the first full week of January developing tangible and achievable goals, as well as making copious notes about what I expect from the process and how I plan to go about making the changes. Of course, that adage about best laid plans is famous for a reason! My little area of North Texas was blanketed in snow and black ice on the first two days I had planned to kick-start the “program,” leaving me unable to visit the grocery store to stock my pantry and refrigerator. A day after that I came down with a crushing sinus infection and spent the remainder of the week curled up in bed, struggling to take a true breath. It wasn’t until this, the third week of the year that I was even able to take my first steps toward anything. But this week was truly a terrific start, and I had a couple of interesting revelations that should help me make smart choices in the months ahead.

This week’s good choices and personal successes were:

• reading through recipes and creating a realistic menu for the rest of the month
• creating a shopping list and sticking to it completely, adding only a couple of impulse items while inside the two grocery stores I visited
• choosing appropriate and healthy items on impulse and not succumbing to any cravings…
• …because I took the time to eat before heading to the stores
• bypassing the fast food drive-thru more than a few times this week, even when I was heading home far too late to want to make dinner at home
• actually listening to that Still Small Voice telling me what to pull out of the refrigerator to make a meal just as quick as any fast food… and far, far better tasting
• not mainlining Coca-Cola as I usually do AND…
• choosing water for lunch when I went out with my friend Mere AND…
• choosing a grilled lunch item from the Mexican food restaurant, which turned out to be the most delectable Mahi tacos on white corn tortillas with a slice of avocado, pickled red onion and poblano crema, and a side of Mexican roasted corn with queso fresco. I’m certain it belongs in my Top Five Meals I’ve ever eaten.
• And I discovered that I actually enjoy avocado when it is paired with the right flavors. I look forward to creating a few dishes now!

In the midst of my good choices there were a few moments when I didn’t care about any of it, and as I look back at the picture of these weeks so far I can see that those moments didn’t even cause a flutter in my mind. No setbacks, no guilt, no fear or worry. I’m looking at the long haul rather than thinking about the small moments. But I am conscious that this whole process is about baby steps… and I’ve taken some great baby steps this month. That alone makes it a success, no matter how the last few days turn out.